Depression

The greatest battles we fight in this life are fought in our minds, words cut deep but our thoughts are ever present.

 

The battle starts and ends in your mind. The battle may be triggered by words or images but your mind and thoughts are what take you to the darkest places. It happens at night in your room, you cry the hardest, you sit alone. This is the battle. You start believing the lies. “You’re too ugly”, “You are too fat”, “You’re not worthy of love”, “You’re too skinny”, “You deserve this”, “No one really loves you”, “The world would be better without you”, etc. This is the real war. It’s you against your thoughts. People may tell you these words but it’s you who believes them. It hurts to hear but when you truly don’t believe these words you push these kind of abusive thoughts away. But when you’re looking for approval you give the power to define you to others.

The other day I was asked if anything bad had ever happened to me. My first thought was when has my life not been a mess? I smiled and said “Of course I have lived through pain and heartache. But I would rather smile through the tears and sing through the trials.”

There was a young girl. She was never supposed to be. She was a reminder of her mothers biggest mistake. She grew up in a struggling home. Her parents newly weds, trying to make a life together. Living with grandparents. This girl was always smiling, laughing and full of life. A few years later the same girl moved to a larger city. The city kids were different, they talked and walked differently. The girl tried her best to fit in. She changed herself to play the part. The world became a stage and she was the actor in the light but behind closed doors she fell apart. She was broken, She had no one, She cried herself to sleep most nights, She stopped trusting people, She became numb to everything, nothing matter anymore. She was stuck without away out. The girl was the most popular she had ever been. She looked happy on the outside. She played her part well. She wasn’t brave enough to take her life but she thought about it. She was a good kid. Her parents took her to church. She didn’t want to go to church anymore because all she saw was shallow hypocrisy. She went on a Family vacation to a little town. She didn’t want to go. The Sunday afternoon, before the girl went home, in a little church the preacher spoke on Psalms 23. The preacher told of a peace and hope that she could have. The girl went forward after the service and accepted this peace for herself. She let Jesus be her savor and put her faith in him. That day she got hope and a clean heart. Nothing else changed in her life, she still had problems, she still had to face the shallowness and all the feelings from before but now she had hope that tomorrow would be better. Now she had someone to walk with her through these trials. She no longer had to be strong enough to carry the burdens of this life alone. She moved again. She still struggled with trusting people. She still kept her thoughts to herself and played her part. As she got to know the people in her new church. She realized they were different. They loved her for no reason, she could see. They protected each other and took care of each other. Being in this church changed her so much, she grew so much. She began to come out of her shell. The girl started trusting slowly again, She started loving again, She started laughing again, She started caring again. She still struggle to this day with depression. When the memories and hopelessness haunt her, she pushes the thoughts aside. She reminds herself she has hope and she has people who care about her.

I want you to know you are not the only one. Many people get bullied, many struggle with depression and yes, even Christians face these problems daily.  The only way to break free is to remember the truth. You are loved! You are beautiful. You are worth it! Stop listening to the lies in your head and God loves you and I love you.

Princess Allie ❤

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