#13 NaPoWriMo, You’ll Find Love…

Hello my lovely friends. Today’s challenge is to write a poem with a lucky line inspired from a fortune cookie. I picked a very cheesy fortune cookie line. But a very serious storyline. Enjoy!!!

You’ll Find Love

I. Shutting them out,
I can’t bear when they shout.
They won’t even notice I’m not about.
Walking aimlessly I end up in China town.
No one seems to see my deep frown.
The rain hides my tears.
Wanting to hope but trusting fears.
The neon signs shine like stars,
And it seems to smell like heaven.

II. The little bell rings.
Their welcoming voices sing.
The warmth in the air
Like getting a hug from a bear.
I sit at a back table.
Believing the fighting was a fable.
My family is stable.

III. I order potstickers, rice
And beef ramen.
The smell is nice.
I forget about the pain,
For now.
Somehow.
I let the meal
Take me to a happier time.
Before I had to hide
Everything I feel.
Back to the days
My mom would cook
She didn’t have that dead look.
Before I knew what abuse was…
Before when I felt loved.
I eat slowly.
Feeling so lonely.
Wishing I could talk
But no one will listen…

III. The girl brings my bill.
And a small cookie.
“What will my fortune be today?”
I laughing push it away.
While I wait for my card.
My face is emotionless and hard.
I pick the cookie up.
It reads,
“You’ll find love
When you least expect it.”
I scoff. I roll my eyes and bite
My lip, as I throw it aside.
The pain I try so desperately to hide
Crawling onto my stone cold face.
I leave that building like an ace.
I run.
I run.
Never looking back.

IIII. That silly stupid paper.
I don’t even feel the rain,
Or the cuts…
But I feel the pain
Of my broken home.
The pain of faking strength.
The pain of never having hope.
Never having a future.
Never knowing if I will live until tomorrow.
It kills my soul that lowly sorrow.
It rips me apart.
Right from the start.
My poor young heart
Can’t handle this…
This lonely
Sad,
Broken
Pain.
I fall to me knees
And like a monster,
Letting my insides explode.
Letting every wall
Come crashing down.
Not caring who sees.
Not caring anymore
At all.
Just wanting to be numb from this pain
That is killing me.

V. Wet from rain,
Crying and blood.
I brush my knees off.
Too weak to stand
Too weak to live.
Too tired of trying.
Never winning.
I’ve lost every drop of hope.
The only hope I have is dying.
In death I will find no pain.
But I am not brave enough…
I am too weak to even take
Take my own life.
I look up into the heavens.
The stars hidden behind clouds.
The moon gone.
Nothing but rain.
And blackness.
I whisper
“Please. Please, show me true love.”
Nothing happens.
At all.
I sit like a drowned rat.
I couldn’t get any lower.

VI. I guess I can go home again.
It’s way past ten.
He will be so drunk…
Out cold.
She will be at work.
Drowning her grief.
I stand up.
Feeling dizzy and sick.
I walk around a minute.
I see the park.
The one with the view of the lighthouse.
My favorite place.
I walk on hoping to see
The lighthouse shine
One more time.
I think of that stupid paper.
I sigh.
Who am I…
To be worthy of love.

VII. I find the lighthouse
Misty and alone.
I wish I was strong like her…
Never failing to spread light.
Saving people from the darkest night.
All I want is to be loved…
I’d give anything.
I hear a gentle voice
Break through my thoughts.
“It’s a terribly cold tonight.”
I look over to see an older man.
I nod.
But wonder if he could even see it.
“I remember long ago.
On a cold night.
That lighthouse saved my life.”
His smile lit by her beam.
“She is stronger than she seem.
I was going to jump.
From that cliff.”
His bone finger shakes
Pointing to a spot.
A spot I had thought over
Many times.
“But there was an old man.
A salt of the sea.
He stopped me.
He told me of a great hope.
Greater than the end of a rope.
He told me of a man.
Whom like the lighthouse
Saves men.
This man loved me.
He died for me.”
I looked over at the old man
To see if he was crazy.
But I’ll never forget
What I saw in his eye.
“Jesus, died on a cross.
He took all my sin
And pain.”
There in that old man’s eyes.
I saw it.
Love.
True love
And hope.

VIII. I talked with the man.
He told me everything
About this Jesus
Who walked on the sea!
The lighthouse of the world.
Saving all who will trust his light.
I found a great friend that night.
My home has not changed.
But I have joy and hope.
No it’s not strange!
I have Jesus
My greatest love and savior.
He took me when I was too weak.
When I saw everything as bleak.
He took all my pain
And he told me, He loved me
Again and again.
I am a new girl.
Who has hope for tomorrow.
And a high tower to run to with all my sorrow!
I love Jesus.
He has change me.
He has made me whole.
Now I want the whole world to know!!!

Sorry, I know this is very long for me. Anywho I hope you are having an amazing week. Keep smiling, awesome sauce!!!

Allie ❤

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”
― Anne Lamott

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