Okay…

Hello my lovely friends. I’m sorry I don’t post more often… I truly miss having time to write. I must carve out some time to do so. Here is a poem I wrote the other day. Enjoy.

Okay…

i remember– acting
back in high school

the maiden- in a
3 hour play

masks, makeup and
costumes

lights, camera, action
the story of the day—

now– still acting
but it never ends

there are lines
i must say

no one seems
to realize

it’s masks, smoke
mirrors–

the story i create
reality stray—

ing far away
into a sea

of pain…
there i lay

dead— gone…
forever

my ghost goes on
acting— okay

I hope you are all doing well. Have a wonderful day.

Allie ❤

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Through The Windows Of October #12 2016

Hello my lovely friends. Enjoy today’s poem and illustration.

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Little Dancer

Little dancer
Floating across the room

What must you feel
Weaving like an ancient loom

Full of grace
Transcending time and space

Strong bones
Long legs wrapped in muscle

Listening to tones
Of visual music

Spinning around
Until you hit the ground

We get lost
Deep within your laughter

Laughing is tossed
Aside. Tears begin to flow

Because one word
You heard from miles away

I spend ages
Rebuilding you. Wanting you to stay

But one day
You go only leaving your shadow

We put you
Into the cold hard earth

We sing your song
Because for you, we long

Little dancer
Why did you die?

Why did you
Give up over stupid words?

We see you
Walking around in business suits

But you killed
Something inside yourself

That day
You listened to what they say

Keep following your dreams. Keep doing every little thing that makes you, you! 

Allie ❤

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”  ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Running in the freezing Rain…

Hello my lovely friends! Today I have a poem inspired by running, I hope you all enjoy!!!

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Running in the freezing Rain

 

Running in the freezing rain
Helps wash away the pain.
The consuming numbness again,
It’s like watching a nightmare begin.

I wish I could say I would miss you,
But somehow that doesn’t seem true.
I want the cold to freeze my bleeding heart.
I just want everything to stop falling apart.

My memories start to fade,
My thoughts actually obeyed.
But my heart cannot hide,
Nor my soul, what’s inside.

My inner self cannot lie.
That you wish to die…
You no longer want to fight.
You’re sick of crying all night.

You just want to know what’s wrong.
Why you can no long stay strong.
You want someone to notice…
That this isn’t fake hocus pocus.

Part of you wants them to understand,
Let you rest and hold their hand.
But part of you doesn’t want them to know,
It’s to late… they’ve acted a foe.

I feel so lost, trapped and restless.
There’s nothing quite like being friendless.
I want to help you but I don’t know how…
And I feel as though it’s to late now.

They will never see,
The hurt in you and me.
I want us to be free.
I’m sick of us pretending to be.

We’re so much more then what they’ve seen!
They still think they haven’t been mean.
They will truly never know,
The hurtful things they sow.

 

 

I hope you are all having a wonderful Tuesday! Life has a way of being rough sometimes and running isn’t always the best thing to do but sometimes it’s the only thing we can do. It’s okay to run but always have somewhere to run to… don’t run mindlessly and endlessly, nothing good ever comes from that. I love you all and I hope you’re all doing well!

 

Feel free to like, share and comment. [=

 

Until we meet again my lovely friend,
Princess Allie ❤

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end you end up polished and they end up useless.”
― Andy Biersack

Through The Windows Of October #26

Hello friends, today’s inspiration comes from depression. It’s about conquering small doses of depression. Of course if you have depressive thoughts more than a few times a month you should go to your Doctor and talk to someone about it. But this is the depression we all feel and face in our everyday life’s.

Feelings
It started with a need,
A need to be freed.

A fake smile,
Pretending awhile.

My heart beating fast,
Wishing this were all past.

Wanting hopes to collide,
Dreaming my future aside.

But I have no hope…
Just a long rope.

A way out…
No ones about.

The dark night…
The moon light.

Something swallows me whole,
I feel it deep in my soul…

I hear a voice…
Telling me to make a choice.

I can feel…
The numbness is real.

I don’t understand,
I lift my hand.

I see my fingers move,
Staring at the tiny grove.

I know in my head,
That I should go to bed.

I should forget this wave,
To my feelings, I am not a slave.

I need to force myself to choose reason.
Reason… Reason… Reason…

I must remove this from my mind.
Before it’s my body that they find…

This is only depression.
I can stop this oppression.

I need to find my calling,
Stop this endless falling.

I must instill meaning,
Into my being…

I must look ahead and remember,
I can make it through December.

I can make it through the cold.
When it’s Jesus that I hold.

I can make it through tonight.
With that one ray of light…

I have a purpose…
I may not see it on the surface.

But I conquered the rope,
I’m holding onto a drop of hope.

I’ve looked past my sorrow,
Into some else’s tomorrow.

My today really isn’t that bad.
I’m just a little sad…

I cannot control,
The uncontrollable.

Myself I must console,
While words are consolable.

For me, there is no need for pills,
Just for hugs, when I feel the chills.

I just need a reminder.
God has made me a survivor.

I hope you guys are all doing well, I’ll make this short since my poem was so long. I just wanted to share this for anyone who is struggling with depression or sadness. I want you to know you are not alone and God loves you. God has made a way out just for you. I love you too. I’ll be back tomorrow with a new post. Keep your chins held high and smile. {=

Feel free to like, share and comment. [=

Princess Allie ❤

Through The Windows Of October #5

Hello guys! ^_^ I hope you are all having an amazing Monday! Well today I have a poem that will brighten your spirits! (Hopefully!) =D

The Sunrise

The Painting On The Wall

There are two paintings on my wall
I made them when I wasn’t very tall
When things of importance were small
Back when I lived to kick a soccer ball
And play outside within my mothers call

Now things are different from my childhood days
The simplicity of life’s magic still stays
I still love dressing up and acting in plays
And sometime even swimming in bays
Memories come flowing back of molding clays

Now everything is filled with anxiety and fear
We can never get close or hold loved ones near
Because we’re to busy to comfort their tear
We no longer have time to listen and hear
Am I the only one finding this queer?

I think we all need to take a look back
Before the days we started talking smack
That time long ago we played in an old shack
We kept all our treasures in a blue backpack
Long before we had our names in a plaque.

Yes, back to those days we played by the brook
And we read Grimm’s fairy tale book
Remember the time we played campfire cook
We still need the joy, playtime and cleaver look
We had on those adventures we undertook

I stare at the paintings made in my childhood past
And I realize it will be okay to finish last
To take my time, think, pray and fast
Smell the roses and have a blast
Because the wisdom I grain will be vast.
Sunset

I hope you enjoyed the poem! I’ll see you again in a post tomorrow. (=

Feel free to like, share or comment. [=

Princess Allie ❤

Nobody knows me.

I haven’t posted here in awhile… I’m not really sure. Actually I do know. It’s because I haven’t felt like letting anyone see me raw, broken down. *sigh* April has been a rough month for many reasons. I needed to seem strong, dependable and able to handle it all on my own. But like any human I can’t. Hahaha this has nothing to do with the poem I’m going to share!!! I just thought I would share a bit about why I haven’t posted since march.

Nobody knows me
And here’s the reason why
I’m the girl in the hoodie
In the back of the room
I’m always being seen
But never really known
I’m the girl who sings
Who’s everyone’s friend
But nobody knows me in the end
I’m the girl who can do no wrong
But lets fear hold me back
Like a bump on a log
I’m the girl who cries every night
Who hides her tears out of sight
I’m the girl everyone see
But no one knows what’s inside of me
I’m the girl you miss but don’t know why
I’m the girl you go to when you cry
I’m the girl who learns to stand strong
I’m the girl who pretends that nothing is wrong
Yes, what you see is part of me
But like every pearl I have a shell
I’m what you see and so much more
Looking at is me is like a door
That door is to welcome you to a home
But that door is not the home
Open the door and you will find
People, that make a family
If you only see me you’ll never know
Just who I am or that I’m not such a bore!

I hope you enjoyed reading my poem and were able to relate. Have a wonderful weekend and happy Thursday. =]

Princess Allie ❤

Depression

The greatest battles we fight in this life are fought in our minds, words cut deep but our thoughts are ever present.

 

The battle starts and ends in your mind. The battle may be triggered by words or images but your mind and thoughts are what take you to the darkest places. It happens at night in your room, you cry the hardest, you sit alone. This is the battle. You start believing the lies. “You’re too ugly”, “You are too fat”, “You’re not worthy of love”, “You’re too skinny”, “You deserve this”, “No one really loves you”, “The world would be better without you”, etc. This is the real war. It’s you against your thoughts. People may tell you these words but it’s you who believes them. It hurts to hear but when you truly don’t believe these words you push these kind of abusive thoughts away. But when you’re looking for approval you give the power to define you to others.

The other day I was asked if anything bad had ever happened to me. My first thought was when has my life not been a mess? I smiled and said “Of course I have lived through pain and heartache. But I would rather smile through the tears and sing through the trials.”

There was a young girl. She was never supposed to be. She was a reminder of her mothers biggest mistake. She grew up in a struggling home. Her parents newly weds, trying to make a life together. Living with grandparents. This girl was always smiling, laughing and full of life. A few years later the same girl moved to a larger city. The city kids were different, they talked and walked differently. The girl tried her best to fit in. She changed herself to play the part. The world became a stage and she was the actor in the light but behind closed doors she fell apart. She was broken, She had no one, She cried herself to sleep most nights, She stopped trusting people, She became numb to everything, nothing matter anymore. She was stuck without away out. The girl was the most popular she had ever been. She looked happy on the outside. She played her part well. She wasn’t brave enough to take her life but she thought about it. She was a good kid. Her parents took her to church. She didn’t want to go to church anymore because all she saw was shallow hypocrisy. She went on a Family vacation to a little town. She didn’t want to go. The Sunday afternoon, before the girl went home, in a little church the preacher spoke on Psalms 23. The preacher told of a peace and hope that she could have. The girl went forward after the service and accepted this peace for herself. She let Jesus be her savor and put her faith in him. That day she got hope and a clean heart. Nothing else changed in her life, she still had problems, she still had to face the shallowness and all the feelings from before but now she had hope that tomorrow would be better. Now she had someone to walk with her through these trials. She no longer had to be strong enough to carry the burdens of this life alone. She moved again. She still struggled with trusting people. She still kept her thoughts to herself and played her part. As she got to know the people in her new church. She realized they were different. They loved her for no reason, she could see. They protected each other and took care of each other. Being in this church changed her so much, she grew so much. She began to come out of her shell. The girl started trusting slowly again, She started loving again, She started laughing again, She started caring again. She still struggle to this day with depression. When the memories and hopelessness haunt her, she pushes the thoughts aside. She reminds herself she has hope and she has people who care about her.

I want you to know you are not the only one. Many people get bullied, many struggle with depression and yes, even Christians face these problems daily.  The only way to break free is to remember the truth. You are loved! You are beautiful. You are worth it! Stop listening to the lies in your head and God loves you and I love you.

Princess Allie ❤